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The Math Genie - April 4, 2012
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Spiked Math Comic - What would a mathematician wish for?

Spiked Math Comic - What would a mathematician wish for?

It's your turn now!

Spiked Math Comic - What would a mathematician wish for?

1. Name a wish.
2. Describe how the "Math Genie" will grant that wish!

Who ever comes up with the most clever Math Genie wish & response will win an email from Mike saying "Congrats!" (Note: The email may be traded in for one creepy hug instead).

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i wish to be perfect!
and a Genie gives mike a spherical body :)

this is from a joke of a singer in croatia; http://hr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jacques_Houdek (i doubt there is a link in EN)

Heheh, nope only another article in Dutch... might that just be the language I usually speak :D

More like, "I wish to be perfect!" Genie: "Granted. The sum of all of your factors is now twice yourself."

I wish to be the smartest guy in the world.
Math genie makes everyone dumber.
(I don't take credit for that one, it's coming from a tv series I watched longtime ago. Forgot the name).

"I wish to be as smart as Gauss."
Genie kills the wisher.

I wish I could demonstrably prove or disprove the Riemann Hypothesis.

Wish granted.

But Hilbert's axioms are now shown to be false. Your proof is invalid.

Nice side effect of the first wish is that he was granted infinite life. If not he will always have a finite sum of money, won't he?

Well he did not specifically mention that he wanted the money while he was alive...

I wish I could talk to Newton!

Genie makes a,classroom where the Fig Newton mascot is teaching at the board.

I wish I had an identical twin!
The math genie uses the Banach-Tarski paradox to accomplish this. It's an incredibly painful process.

"I wish for answers to all the questions."
Gets a dictionary. (Order of words left as an exercise to the reader.)

I wish i could have omnipotence now

I wish everything in the universe revolved arround math.
The genie goes back in his lamp

^Best answer winner right here!

Me: "Genie, I wish you free!"
*Genie turns into (Z,+)*

i wish for a stack of cubes. Where the first cube has edge length=1 the second 1/2, the third 1/3, and so on...

I wish this wish does not come true!
The genie implodes.

1)to live forever and not age

1)to live forever and not age

you should saw friends

- I wish to live a normal life.
- Granted! *Tries to lie in bed, but can only stand perpendicular to it*

- I wish not to die and to be happy
- Granted! { not(to die and to be happy); De morgan: (not to die) or (not to be happy); } *Dies happily*

I wish for a proof that P=NP
Wish Granted - P=0 or N=1

That was the best one!

I wish for ℵ0 WISHES!!!!

I wish to be the world beauty.
The math genie obviously turns into Euler's identity...

I wish I had a regular genie (since I'd get 3 wishes)

... and your memory changes to remember that you just had a regular genie yesterday.

Unfortunately, the genie assumes that the field has characteristic 3.

I wish the next lottery ticket I buy will win the jackpot. (Perhaps all the jackpots from then on will be ridiculously small? Or I'll just never be able to buy a ticket... but those aren't really math gotchas...)

The easiest corruption would be to have 10 billion other people win the same jackpot earning each of you a fraction of a penny.

Ockham's Razor says you might as well wish for the jackpot. Why wish for a ticket to win the jackpot?

Occam's razor says nothing. As other inanimate objects, It's unable to speak.

1) I wish to be the greatest at mental math!
2) Turns into computer.

I wish for nothing.
The universe ends.

I want Vi Hart, a bottle of tequila, and twister mat.

1) I wish I could visualize n-dimensional objects.
Genie: Granted, now you can feel perpetually self conscious about your insides being on display for higher dimensional beings forever.

2)I wish I could go back to an age when I was still sexy.
Genie makes you 5. (The first sexy prime)

3)I wish the entire population was happy.
The genie kills all but 100 people.

"I wish to be an Applied Mathematician!" [The wisher's head is revolved around an axis to become a torus.]

I wish spikedmath was as funny as xkcd
*deletes both webcomics*

(no offense mike)

"I wish to be a math genie"

Now there are two math genies screwing with the unfortunate souls who doesn't understand math

G: You get one wish.
M: I wish that I could accomplish anything that I desire.
G: Granted.
*Poof of apathy*
M: ...

"I wish everything i said was true" and then, the genious make him mute.

I wish that all NP problems be converted into polynomial time :P

And suddenly AES can be solved by brute-force within seconds, digital signatures become easily spoofable, the whole banking system collapses (credit cards being hacked, at least!), but thank god, now we at least have a cure for cancer; in the next few days.

Granted, but I don't tell you the reduction

M: I wish to know the value of R(6, 6).
G: Here is infinite money and the crown you wanted earlier...

I would wish that the genie wouldn't grant my wish. The only obvious outcome of this is the destruction of the universe.

I would wish that the genie wouldn't grant my wish. The only obvious outcome of this is the destruction of the universe.

I wish I could remember all the infinite digits of pi!
I now remember 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9, but have no clue which order they have to be in...

- I wish to know the exact value of PI
- Tau / 2

I wish that Fermat's margin was a little bit bigger.
Now Wiles solved the Riemann Hypothesis instead, and still doesn't get anything named after him.

-"I wish I could proof all open math problems".
-> I know the proof, but I am mute, debilitated, out of any chance communicating with others..

-"I wish you exempt the world of sin".
->triangles are horror, not only in school.

-"I wish we could find the Higgs Boson".
-> ... "Okay, bring your math fellows, your have infinty wishes (hehe xD) wishes, but I won't show you THIS."

I wish I could reason with women.
::goes into an infinite loop::

Do you want to change your wish to "I wish all numbers were divisible by 0 instead?"

I just wish I could have a donut
*genie gives him a mug of coffee*

This was by far my favorite response.

I wish to be perfect.
The genie turns him into 6 (smallest perfect number).

I wish my penis was so big it touched the ground!

The genie makes your legs vanish.

I wish I could solve the graceful tree conjecture.

Wish granted, but you spent the rest of your life analyzing the Amazon rain forest.

Wish: i wish i had a fancy pro tractor from that farming magazine answer:turns him into a protracter *i know that isn't very clever*

Wish:i wish i knew all answers to all arithmetic genie:turns him into a calculator

I wish I win this Math Genie Game...

The Math Genie kill himself, so there is no Math Genie Game, I win nothing

Wish: "I want to know all of pi"
Genie: "0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. Figure out the order yourself."

Guy: I wish that you will not grant this wish.
*Genie explodes*

Just so everyone knows, if the person lived about 60 years then they would have about $10.57 if my math is correct.

I wish drivers didn't break half of the time.

* A Multitude of car crashes

I wish for infinitely more wishes
Furthermore I will always have a means of communicating by ensuring I can never lose my voice and able to speak english which the genie can understand and cannot deliberatley misinterperate.
Also I can have any wish at any point in time and space, any other dimension and any reality.

Wish Granted..
But none of your wishes come true.

but that wish came true...

-I wish for a proof of the Riemann Hypothesis.

Genie hands paper:
Proof: Left as an exercise for the reader.

I thought of a response to the first sequence, if the genie grants a second wish:

No! I wish for a larger amount of money each day!

Granted! You will receive -1 dollar the first day, -2 the second . . .

I am inclined to think our genie is too much of a literalist to call increasingly negative numbers "larger." I would be inclined to think the genie would just give the money, but in a unique currency. Infinite money does not imply infinite value, the value of a given unit of currency is based of the value of that currency as a whole and the lim x to infty of 1/x is not very promising for the value of your notes.

Granted! On day N you will get -1/N dollars from now until infinity!

Wisher: "I wish to be the greatest person in the universe!"
Genie: "Certainly."
"Welcome to your own universe, population: you.

Wisher: "I want to lose weight".
Genie: "Certainly."
"The force of gravity has now been substantially reduced. Good luck..."

Wisher: "I want to never be wrong about anything."
Genie: "Certainly, but have your really thought this through?"

Option 1:
Wisher: "Yep."
This universe explodes.

Option 2:
"Nope. Hey, wait this is no fun!"

Wisher: "I wish maths wasn't so complex."
Genie: "Certainly."
All complex numbers lose their imaginary part and become real numbers only.
Electrical power systems fail the world over.
Civilisation crumbles.
Wisher: "Oh, I suppose I meant complicated."

Wisher: "I want you to move humanity to a base pi numbering system."
Genie: "Um, well, alright. But why?"
Wisher: "Radians. Totally worth it."

I wish... you a merry Christmas!!

There's not the thyme.

I wish for omnipotence!

Math genie grants "infinite odor."

Wisher: I wish I'd have the phone numbers of all sexy girls in the world!
Genie: (gives him Pi, up to the last digit) "They are there, somewhere."

(^v^) !!!

I wish that I can wish for more wishes.

Or I wish that I can prove Riemann hypothesis.

Wisher: I wish to be a professor
Genie: Granted!
And the wisher gets his professors glasses

Wisher: I want to have fun all night long !
Genie: (gives a Rubik's cube)

Wisher: I wish every text were typed in LATEX.
Genie: Granted.

The screen zooms out, shows a person submitting his comment to the comic #497, and—poof!—the next second he is wearing latex bondage, and his mistress hits him with a whip. There is a portrait of Gutenberg in fetish suit on the wall.

i wish 1000 more wishes heheheh

* I'd like to be the person with the most money in the world!
- Genie evens out the available world money to everyone, including me, and takes 1 cent from somebody and gives it to me.

Wisher: I wish that I can have infinite pies
(Outcome: Genie fills the universe with Gaussian curves, round objects, infinite series, etcetera)

Wisher: I wish that I do not exist
Genie turns the Wisher to the tangent of 90 degrees (undefined)

Wisher: I wish that you would grant this wish in a weird, misanthropic manner.
Genie: ERROR! *explodes*

Wisher: I wish to go time traveling.
Genie: Granted.
*30 seconds of nothing happening*
Genie: You've just travelled 30 seconds into the future.

I wish to know the other 25 digits of pi!
GENIE: Eh... Wish revoked. Why? I don't know.

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